Wandering Thoughts
by Ofi
Summary: Watching himself in the mirror, Haru thinks about everything, and realizes that his thoughts are like his sense of direction: they have the tendancy to wander from where he was trying to get to originaly. But what else does he realize?


A/N: I wrote this fic months ago but I never had a chance to finish typing it until today. This is the first Furuba Fic I've written and posted. Please review!

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Hatsuharu Sohma stares curiously at his reflection, his coal eyes, black white hair, and flawless skin- the elements that make him up… him and another: Black Haru. He raises a hand to the mirrors cold smooth surface, swallows, and squints his eyes as if trying to see something beyond his appearance, beyond the extremes of black and white. He smiles, a lopsided grin that if done at his new school would immediately start a Hatsuaru Sohma fan club, he is trying to find something- better said someone.

When Black Haru was first born and his parents discovered that they could no longer control their once well-mannered, soft-spoken, and above all submissive son, they asked him "What does it feel to have to fight for control of your body, to have another inside of you what's that like?" They had foolishly believed that the answer would scare him. Instead he had turned with a Black Haru smile, cold and dark, that made them freeze and replied, "It's terrifying you know, but I like being in terror. Plus isn't that the clause that comes with the title of Sohma, terror?" Haru moved his lips but Black was the one who spoke the words, the one who had enough courage to let them out so simply. Black was the one who went off and smashed things afterwards. Black was strong and angry enough for the both of them. Haru pulls himself from the past back to his reflection. He says his name softly to himself sounding and extending each syllable, watching intently how his lips move repeating what his brain has commanded them too. Then he starts quietly "Black Haru White Haru" After doing this for a couple of times he adds, with a sad pathetic smile that is all his own, another adjective "Terrifying"

But is it an adjective or a verb or simply a dark little corner of his mind that holds onto childhood suffering? Because if he regards to his appearance no one ever says so, no they say quite the opposite. Laughing Honda-san assures he will quickly join the ranks of most wanted, adored, stalked, etc. with ease. Honda-san says a lot of things like that, with the sole purpose of making him smile. He knows this in the way her eyes brighten when he, Yuki, or Kyou, smile or the way she hums as she works when more than five minutes pass without the house being graced with several loud thuds and bangs followed by "Stupid cat" or "damn rat". But he's not the only one who could assure this: Yuki and Kyou have both been watching Honda-san more and more. It makes him laugh and Haru looks up in time to see a smile in his reflection. The way she goes the extra mile to make them happy then how they will go against their natures to make her happy. He should laugh at himself too because he knows soon he too will try to make Honda-san happy simply because she did so for him. Most of all he knows he will never let Akito hurt her- never: for his own sake, Yuki's smile, and Kyou's s sanity.

Thinking of Akito only makes him reflect on his childhood- reflect on ridicule, on loneliness, on hate, on his Black side whispering it would be okay and his young self releasing his control to Black. It's ridiculous isn't it? Having your intellect, or lack of, predestined by some ancient MYTH. Which is bad enough already when people your age tease you about it, but when adults who just happen to be you family discuss with great depth and persistence about how stupid, gullible, and naïve your animal counterpart is- well no wonder he ended up with some obvious defects, and some that no one will ever know. Leave it to the Sohma family to permanently scar you for life right? As one member once half jokingly, half seriously pointed out "we put fun in dysfunctional". Akito may be the head of family but Haru's sure more than one or two that make up the hands have thought of grabbing a katana and slashing the head off, or that the feet haven't thought of new and brilliant ways of "accidentally" tripping over something with hopes of smashing the skull. Yes, the dysfunctional, imperfect, beyond repair Sohma family, lovely aren't they?

Maybe he could run away from it, start on a journey letting his intuition take him anywhere that's far away from here or as Hatori so gently puts it "going off with the sole purpose of getting lost for three days again". But this time it wouldn't be for three days, it would be forever, until he could get far away from everywhere that reminds him of anything remotely painful; he would defy Akito in the most extreme way. Haru smirks happy, if only momentarily, wit his deranged fantasy. The dream he's had since he was little, run until he no longer felt stupid. Haru smiles faintly, he's starting to sound like Kyou.

There's a knock on the door that interrupts his thoughts as Honda-san cautiously pokes her head in. Haru immediately lets his hand fall to his side. "Um… dinner's ready Hatsuharu-san!" she says cheerfully.

The door is opened more by Yuki "Huh? What's Haru doing here?" Then the door is swung fully open by Kyou who says "What's that damn brat doing here?" Haru shrugs not answering. "Come on then!" Kyou demands sounding annoyed "Or you'll get lost on your way to the kitchen" Shigure who seeing them assembled and thinking only the worst and sighs "my house…"

The odd cast makes Haru smile, and with the same grin he joins them. Tohru falls in stride with him, "I'm glad you're here!" she says happily, and in that moment thoughts of being broken and pathetic vanish and is replaced with the odd joy of someone being happy to see him.

His thoughts are exactly like his sense of direction, Haru concludes as Honda-san serves the feast she insists calling dinner, and they have a tendency to wander from where he was originally trying to get to. Watching her trying to set the table and Kyou and Yuki trying to wrestle the plates from her saying that she done enough already, he realizes something, sometimes when you get lost you're lucky and are found by somebody who thought you were an old man, someone who says the right things without meaning to, someone whose happy simply seeing you smile, and when you're really really lucky that person sees beyond the extremes of black and white into who you really want to be.


End file.
